As I’ve stated numerous times before, when games that obviously began life on mobile come to the Switch the primary responsibility they have is to justify the move, let alone making people pay for what is often free to play on a phone. Sadly, while there are many games that have absolutely managed to at least clear that bar, even if not always by much, there are plenty of others that utterly fail in this endeavor… and Farm It is one of them.

Imagine taking the elements of a farming sim, whether clearing the land, planting the crops, watering them, or cultivating them, and attaching them to the loosest and least satisfying mini game mechanisms possible. Now, in order to try to give the impression that there’s an element of skill to these mini games, imagine that they’re not really explained for the most part, leaving you to simply experiment and stumble through working out how to perform a good half of them well. That isn’t to say it takes long to do so, but it does underscore how little effort was put into trying to make the experience polished or player-friendly.

Now throw in an overworld where moving around to do things like go to a shop or sell your wares is as clumsy as possible. Be sure that graphically the game looks like you could run it natively on the Nintendo 64, though admittedly you then may have needed to include fog everywhere since that was just how the system rolled. Then, to close it all out as horribly as possible, be sure that though this is a game you need to pay for in the eShop to have the pleasure of playing, it should include as many attempts to squeeze more money out of you in the eShop with beyond pointless cosmetic DLC that I’m surprised didn’t literally include a way to put lipstick on your pigs. That would have at least shown some sense of self-awareness for the whole experience, as if you really think it would work for you at least have the sense to play it on your phone, where it belongs.